If you read my Monday Musings written a month ago, you know I wrote:
On January 2, 2021, my world was shattered. My grandmother’s son died. My father had a heart attack and passed away at 71. He was still working and had not retired. Most people did not believe he was 71. They thought he looked like he was in his 50s. My dad was my number one supporter and my biggest fan. His absence left a hole in my world.
I wish I could tell you all that I’m okay now, but I’m not. I’m slowly inching by each and every day. That “one day at a time” is real. There are a few areas of my life where people just want me to snap out of it. If I could, I would have already done that. Don’t you think I want that?
I also have decided to fall back on another saying: “Focus on what you can control.” The number of responsibilities I have feel like bricks being added to a bag on my back. I have decided to take a step back. I removed myself from two committees where the focus was Black educators and Black students. If you know just a smidge about me, you know that was incredibly hard for me to do.
I believe if I cannot commit to 100%, I need to step back and let someone else step in who can. Although it was hard to remove myself from that work and other obligations, I felt a sense of relief that maybe I can get through all the remaining tasks I have.
Today, I had to talk to both the cemetery and the funeral home. Buried does not mean all the work is done. (Also, the funeral home can stop emailing me about setting up a plan for my final arrangements. I know that stuff is important, but right now I need a break.)
Tomorrow is Read Across America Day, and if you don’t know my thoughts about it, I thought I would refresh your memory. Check it out here.
Last, my uncle, my dad’s brother, told me over the weekend. “We are never going to be over it, but we will have to learn to live through it.” I’m slowly clawing my way back one day at a time.