In my last Monday Musings, I wrote, “Despite missing family and friends, 2020 has not been that bad for my family. I do feel truly blessed, and I hope my blessings continue in 2021.” Although 2020 was a year like no other, I maintained my joy and found many bright spots. I was expecting that joy to carry over into 2021. For my family, the first day of the year is always a big deal. It’s my paternal grandmother and my sister’s birthday. Although my grandmother passed in 1998, it is an opportunity to share stories about her and remember the good times.
On January 2, 2021, my world was shattered. My grandmother’s son died. My father had a heart attack and passed away at 71. He was still working and had not retired. Most people did not believe he was 71. They thought he looked like he was in his 50s. My dad was my number one supporter and my biggest fan. His absence left a hole in my world.
I was already off of work because I had a hysterectomy on December 8, 2020. After my father died, I extended my leave. Due to the pandemic, the funeral did not take place until last week. I return to work tomorrow. I don’t know when I’m going to snap out of it or when I am going to feel some sense of normalcy. I feel unbalanced. My anchor is gone, and my ship is not stable. Grief is the rollercoaster that keeps making sharp turns when you really want the ride to smooth out and come to an end.
Today, I leave you with the words I spoke at my father’s funeral. Hopefullly, you will find some joy listening to the lessons and tips my father taught me.