Monday Musings: Pandemic Panic

This pandemic has forced sick teachers to stay at home even, sometimes teachers find out it wasn’t even COVID-19 (which is good). This might seem like an odd thing to point out, but teachers are notorious for going to work while sick. One of the main reasons is that no teacher likes to do sub plans.

Right now, I am feeling this times 10! Tomorrow, I have to get some bloodwork done and a COVID-19 test. I have to test negative for COVID-19 to be able to have my hysterectomy next Tuesday. This will be my third COVID test during the pandemic, but this one has had me the most anxious because a positive test will mean my surgery will get postponed until 2021. I really don’t want that at all. My first two tests were negative, and I need this one to be negative, too.

A nurse called me on Friday to set up the appointment. Then, she told me they are not calling anyone unless they test positive. If I don’t hear anything in 24-48 hours, I’m good. Do you know how nerve-wracking that is? They said they are doing too much testing and don’t’ have time to contact people.

In the meantime, I am completing many tasks to prepare for my medical leave of absence as a middle school academic dean. I supervise nine people. My team is being distributed to other administrators. One task, I needed help on. I stated I needed help, didn’t receive it, and then got criticized for not doing the task well. I think what bothers me most is that I stated I needed help. The other thing that bothers me is that so many people want to ask me for help, have me be a listening ear, but when I ask for one thing, I don’t get it.

I trust my team of teachers to be great while I’m away. I am writing these words to name and claim that I will be gone and to ease the anxiety I have about getting this test. I keep telling myself all will be well, but I’m mentally exhausted and have so much work to do.

I’ve been fully awake since 1 a.m. working … and I’m still not done.

Please pray for me because I need it this week. I finally hit that wall during this pandemic where I want to throw up my hands. I know I won’t, but that is how I feel today.