I have been dreading Saturday. I couldn’t sleep last Friday night and I woke up early on Saturday because of the swim lessons I am taking with my kids. I mistakenly thought getting these cool prescription googles would help ease my anxiety, but my lack of sleep on Friday night says otherwise.
If you are born, you will die. We all know this, but we don’t think about it a lot, or we wouldn’t be able to function during the days we are alive. When I do think about it, I think the worst ways to die are being burned alive or drowning.
On Saturday, the swim instructor helped me to float on my back, and I was fine until I got it into my head and freaked out. Getting out of my head has been hard lately. I feel like I’m doing a lot of stuff, but everything is taking a long time. Enter the Ph.D. program.
This program is tough. I know I can do it, but it is hard. There are tons of readings, so many assignments, group work, and class discussions. It takes me forever to complete assignments, unlike when I was doing previous graduate work.
I want to accomplish both of these goals, learning how to swim and earning my Ph.D, but I see it is going to be a long road. One day at a time isn’t going to get it. Some days it will be one hour at a time. I almost didn’t even write anything today because I am soooooo tired.
Then, I think about my children. I have these two wonderful black sons looking at me. We talked about how I feel about my homework and my fears about swim class. I wanted them to know that life is hard. Achieving a goal is hard. Often, as parents, we want to shield our children from the truth. I need them to know that sometimes I fear failing or that I am struggling.
I don’t have any quick solutions, except that some parts of life take time, and that’s okay because at some point you’ll be on the other side and have completed your goal.