Monday Musings: Guilt

Guilt can gnaw away at your insides like a dog trying to get that last scrap of meat off of the bone. Guilt has been eating me alive. I feel guilty for all of the work I have to do. I know I am blessed to be employed and to be receiving a paycheck, but the amount of work I have is taking me away from my husband and sons.

I’m also in a doctoral program. I spent all of yesterday finishing my second portfolio for my 4th doctoral class. The only interaction I had with my sons yesterday was eating dinner with them and putting the durags on their heads before they went to bed last night. Yes, I turned in my 25-page portfolio, and I think I will earn a good grade, but the work is nonstop.

My husband took off this entire week. I’m thinking about taking off some time. I probably should, especially since I have a skin infection. I thought my eczema had flared up. I recently got diagnosed with eczema at age 36 last December. Actually, I have a skin infection that is on my arms, legs, back, and shoulder. I’m on three medications, and I hope that it will work.

I have tried hard to manage my schedule, but every time I complete a task, another task appears. The teachers I am supervising are stressed, too. In addition to the team meetings I have which are three for the team I supervise, and then the leadership team that I am part of, I also have individual meetings with numerous people at work.

I’m trying to stay upbeat; however, recently, I hit the guilt wall. I wonder if this is my pandemic rock bottom. As I have talked to other people, it seems like everyone has had these days. I feel like I’m there now.

I don’t have an answer for you all today, or a witty thought or quote. Instead, I am going to watch some Star Wars movies with my sons and husband to celebrate May the fourth and ignore everything until tomorrow…or at least try.

I hope you had a good start to the week. Tune in tomorrow for the next installment of the Coronavirus Chronicles.

Stay safe, and wash your hands correctly. Tschüss!

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