Coronavirus Chronicles – Day 93

I am finally enjoying summer break. Summer breaks are shorter when you are a school administrator. Last week was hard. I had so many deadlines each day. I have hardly had much sleep, and I have been struggling with insomnia. I plan to use this time to take care of myself. I already scheduled a doctor’s appointment, and I’m going to also schedule an appointment with the eye doctor and dentist. Of course, I’ll need to schedule appointments for my children, too.

The main thing I am scheduling is a timeout from all these racism conversations. These conversations can be triggering. As a Black woman, many times, I spend the day pushing through these incidents. Now, everyone wants to talk about them. How many times do I have to tell you about how I have been treated for you to just do the work and stop being racist?

I know we all have to work together to make a change. Why did a man have to die to get your attention? Is it because the world has slowed down because of the pandemic, and you had no activities to bury yourself in to look away and ignore reality? I really want to know.

Today, I sat in a diversity, equity, and inclusion meeting and shared some problems I have faced. Here’s the thing. This isn’t the first time I have shared these issues. Why did a man have to die for you to listen?

I have had many white educators reach out to me for conversation. If I have a relationship with them, I am willing to engage. Again, why did a man have to die for you to believe this other white educator was racist? It’s not like I have not told you. It’s not like you haven’t seen it?

At what point will the conversations end, and we shift back to the status quo? White supremacy has a strong hand that loves to grip tight to the status quo. Since I anticipate nothing will really change, I am determined to focus on what I can control and that is my health and my happiness.

Of course, I will continue to engage in the work, but I’m taking a timeout to breathe, to be, to rest.

2020 you’re unforgettable, but as much as possible, I going to control how I spend my time and energy. I have one life, and I want to make the most of it.

Stay safe, and wash your hands correctly. Tschüss!

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